Was That an Eight Year Old Dominatrix?

Um……apparently my scale didn’t get the message that it’s a holiday and therefore calories don’t count, because it’s not budging. It’s not my fault I had to test the candy PRIOR to giving it to trick or treaters…I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the death of dozens of neighborhood children. I DO NOT WANT THAT BLOOD ON MY HANDS! So after ensuring that the Butterfingers, and Baby Ruths, and Almond Joys were safe for consumption, I will sleep soundly tonight knowing that kids of all ages are alive and well and enjoying a poison-free sugar high.

The fact that it’s Halloween has had multiple effects today. A) Teenagers have been moody because I made them work on a “holiday.” B) I must be getting old, because I cannot stop talking about how the costumes these days are too revealing for children! I could have sworn an 8 year old dominatrix just knocked on my door under the guise of a “punk.” C) I am once again reminded that my midsection isn’t quite where I want it to be to fit into a skanky costume.

I’m 20 pounds lighter than last Halloween, but that doesn’t mean that my cellulite needs to be on display for the world to see. But oddly enough, I wasn’t eyeing the risqué costumes with the same zeal and envy as last year. Have I grown past my desire to dress like a complete whore? Hmmmmm, something to contemplate, because I am sitting here in my non slutty sweat pants, writing this blog, and running up and down the stairs handing out candy to youngsters, and I’m perfectly OK with that. (Well technically we just turned out the lights because now all the teenagers are out and those nasty Whoppers are the only candy we have left).

But if slutty costumes aren’t my motivation, I can tell you what is. I’ll give you a hint: it’s green, has dead presidents’ faces on it, and I usually use way too much of it at a certain coffee establishment that starts with an S and ends with a tarbucks. That’s right…SHOW ME THE MONEY! Boot camp just got real, ya’all! Each member is putting in money every week from now through the holiday season – after New Years, whoever has lost the most percentage of weight gets the whole shebang! That’s quite a little kick in the ass if I ever heard of one! So ya know, if dressing like a streetwalker and/or having a healthy heart doesn’t give me the jumpstart like it should, there’s always cash! So bring it on folks, because I’m poor and in need of my fix! (My Powell’s Bookstore fix that is!)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!