CRY BABY

So, I know, second blog in a month that has been skipped. I’m not making a habit of it, I swear! Last week I had a case of the flu/cold/whatever requires a Nyquil at 7 pm. Trust me though, you wouldn’t have wanted to hear from me…not only would you probably have caught my germs through the blog, but it would have been another endless pity party featuring yours truly.

You know how in movies, there’s usually that video montage of moments that plays to some sappy song that captures an ongoing theme? Well picture this. Janis Joplin’s “Cry Baby” is wailing in the background and the scene starts with Emily weeping in the morning over her tea because she has to go to work, and then it pans to Emily blubbering on her lunch break, and then laying on the couch watching Desperate Housewives and whining (all the while stuffing her face with whatever processed food is within reach) and finally, stepping on the scale with a big over dramatic sob. And there you have it, folks! While this is a minor embellishment for theatrical purposes (I know…the fact that I would exaggerate is shocking), I’ve been a giant succubus of joy. Seriously – I’m like those guys in Harry Potter that can suck any happiness right out of ya!

To put it nicely, work has been sucking my will to live. Not only am I drowning in a sea of paperwork and grades, but I’m teaching the classes that kids don’t want to be in. Or so they tell me on a regular basis. Nobody wants to be in the “I need extra help with reading” class, and try as I might, I can’t seem to make learning about text book features any fun for them. So I meet resistance every day. And my optimism is waning and my self esteem is going down the crapper. And have I let this affect my life and healthy lifestyle? You bet your ass I have!

What’s wrong with me!?!?!? How am I letting 14 year olds have this much impact? And why is it that the positive comments and interactions throughout the day never quite stick with you the way the crappy ones do? But holy hell, I can’t even listen to myself mope anymore. Every I time I start to whine, I just want to bitch slap myself! And the thing of it is, I’m sacrificing the things that make me feel better and stronger. I’ve been mustering up just one workout a week and eating like I’m carrying triplets. Miraculously, the stress has managed to keep me from ballooning up the Good Year Blimp, but the scale still isn’t pretty – I’m down to a just a 21 pound loss. If you want to put a positive spin on it – I’ve lost about 40 pounds this year. Unfortunately…I’ve gained 19 of them back…

So what to do, what to do… I can’t keep whining and coming up with excuses. It’s dumb. And lame. And stupid. So I can either let these ass hats eat me alive, or I can go all Michelle Pheifer Minds on their asses, get a leather jacket and be a badass who doesn’t take crap from no one! ORRRRRR, I could accept the nature of the beast and stop letting it control my life outside of school because hater's gonna hate. ORRRRRR…I could get a badass leather jacket AND stop letting them get to me. Because I’ve got stuff to do and tiny thighs to get, and a half marathon in 6 weeks! So let’s break this down in a non-whiny way.

MY SOLEMN COMMITMENS THIS WEEK

1.I will NOT complain about my job this week to ANYONE. If I’m sick of hearing about it…chances are other people are as well.

2.I will do something positive for myself everyday that doesn’t involve the boob tube. (this is very self helpy, but I don’t care)

3.I will get 3 workouts in this week – starting with Zumba tomorrow in the staff lounge. (This has been organized by the staff…I don’t just randomly bust out in Latin exercises throughout the school building.)

4.I will count EVERY LAST DAMN WEIGHT WATCHER POINT THAT GOES INTO MY MOUTH

5.When I am stressed I will Google pictures of baby hippopotamuses because they make me happy.