Gobble Gobble!

Ahoy maties! Long time no chat; Hope your holidays were plentiful and filled with awesomeness. Mine were! The whole fam came down to the Couve to partake in the festivities and we devoured turkey and stuffing like it was going out of style. Shockingly enough, I’m actually down a couple of pounds – how you ask? Well that’s a little tale in itself…

It started a couple of weeks ago when I decided to take the plunge and sign up for L.A. Fitness since it’s only about $30 a month. Plus that pesky initiation fee, but who’s counting? Well I guess it’s pretty standard that when you sign up for a gym, a complimentary training session and fitness evaluation come with. Why pass up free? So last weekend I went in for my freebie session, and they send me to a desk where David, my trainer, is sitting down waiting for me. He stands up to shake my hand, and BAM! We are eye level. Being 5’2 (or if we’re dropping truth bombs I’m 5’1 and ¾) I don’t meet too many guys who are my height. He’s a cute little mini-me! It’s not quite as intimidating to be trained by a Keebler elf, so I’m feeling good. (And P.S. it’s completely kosher for me to make fun of him because I’m short too).

But then, being the pint-sized little devil that he is, David started dropping truth bombs of his own. As in, he made me measure my body fat content. Want to ruin your Sunday morning? Find out that you are wallowing in a big sea of excess fat! I mean, I’m aware my ass isn’t fitting into size 2 jeans, but I’m also able to live in a blissful land of denial that the second helping of homemade mac and cheese isn’t killing me slowly. The wakeup call hit me hard, but not as hard as the 20 minute workout that came next. I don’t know how that tiny sorcerer managed to warp my muscles into limp piles of Jell-0, but he did. He had me doing wall sits while bouncing medicine balls, holing lunges for far longer than should be acceptable, and planks that made obscenities fly inadvertently out of my mouth. It wasn’t until about 4 days later until I could sit down on the toilet without lowering myself slowly while weeping.

It didn’t take long to convince me that this guy was legit and if I really want to transform myself, I’d need some accountability. (Although I probably could have done without him pointing out the girls in the gym he’d like to “have relations” with – we get it. They’re hot. Is this supposed to be motivation?) But I did it. I made a 12 month commitment to get my ass kicked twice a week – and I dropped quite a pretty penny to do it. For that amount of money, I better look BANGIN’ in a year’s time. So between my personal training sessions over the last week and my long walks gearing up for the ½ marathon on Sunday, I actually managed to lose weight over the holiday week. If that’s not BOMB DOT COM, I don’t know what is!

So next Monday I will be writing this blog from the Vegas Airport, hopefully relaying you with details of how I made the marathon my bitch! I’m out to buy some water resistant socks tomorrow and I’m then I’m raring to go! Have an excellent week and I’ll check in with you soon : )

The Turkey Day Conundrum

Ahhhhhh, the holidays are upon us. Next week we will become tubby from turkey, plump from pie, stout from stuffing, bloated from something starting with a “b”…. I think we’re done with the alliteration portion of this program. So how do you guys keep from ballooning up over the holidays? I’m accustomed to wearing elastic pants and stretching out my stomach a few days ahead of time to allow for maximum consumption. I usually make holiday eating an Olympic style event. It takes preparation and training, and then on game day, you give 110%.

So how to adapt after 27 years of bountiful Thanksgivings? I don’t see myself making “skim” versions or anything, because I still believe mashed potatoes aren’t real mashed potatoes unless you can see the butter glistening from across the room! And there are some holidays worth being fat for, but it’s that attitude that gets me in trouble in the first place. Turkey Day is my all time fave, but I think I need a happy medium between a boring and bland Thanksgiving and a holiday where I spend 3 hours on the couch groaning and clutching my stomach in agony. Maybe I’ll cool it on the thirds and fourths this year…this is going to be a challenge of epic proportions.

In other news, I’m getting ready to head to Vegas in a few weeks for the ½ marathon! And I’m not just excited because I get to take a day off of work and have a hiatus from the kids… It’s going to be super awesome and I’ve started to kick it into high gear. I’m walking three miles and weight lifting most days and then upping it to 5 or 6 miles once a week. Next week I’ll be doing a 7 or 8 mile walk and then finally I’ll bust it out to a nine or ten stretch. So come December 4th, I’m going to be rocking the strip like nobody’s business!

So the moral of the story is that I’ve got to keep my eyes on the prize – can’t be overcome by pumpkin pie and let all the hard work from the last few weeks go to shit – Must. Keep. Going. I know myself all too well – if I start chowing down in my usual fashion, all will to exercise and strive for awesomeness is GONE. I will enter a food coma and not come out of it for a good long while. So I’m asking all of you – how do you stay relatively healthy? Or are you like me and just say to hell with it – go big or go home? Any advice would be glorious!