Week 1...BOOYAH!

Watch out world, because I am three pounds lighter! True, it’s not the 50 pound jumpstart I was hoping for, but I’ll settle for a few pounds. Part of me was hoping that if I just cut out Christmas baking, the pounds would just kind of disappear on their own, and I’d just magically be cured and fit into a size six. Turns out, it doesn’t quite work that way. Maybe that’s why I’ve given up so quickly in the past - the results weren’t instantaneous and I’d become frustrated. Well, my plan is to stick to the tortoise and the hare philosophy this time – slow and steady wins the race, so the hare can go piss off while I revel in my three pound loss.

So this week has, no joke, been one of the longest weeks of my life. To start with, I was a substitute teacher for an elementary PE class all week. If that doesn’t make the hours stand still, nothing will. Hour after hour of tying kids’ shoes, playing referee to screaming first graders, and telling students, “I know he threw a ball at you. He’s supposed to – it’s dodge ball.” On top of that, I was going through massive withdrawals chocolate, hydrogenated oil, and artery-clogging-goodness. I’m pretty sure my body went into shock the first day that it wasn’t being stuffed full every 20 minutes. I was afraid it would go into starvation mode and cling to every ounce of fat for fear of never being fed again. Sticking to my allotted weight watchers points this week, especially the first couple of days, was damn near impossible. I felt hungry ALL. THE. TIME. I woke up famished in the middle of the night on Monday and consumed an entire can of garbanzo beans. Why garbanzo beans? A) Because I love them and B) I thought it would be lower in points value. Just so you know; an entire can is seven points – which is more than that ice cream sandwich I’d been eyeballing. I didn’t do the research until the next morning and was immediately wishing I’d had the ice cream instead.

I guess the thing I like about this whole Weight Watchers plan is that it doesn’t eliminate any certain foods from your diet. I tried South Beach one time and lasted 3days; and as it turns out, I’m a raving bitch when I don’t have any carbs. This week I had a Belgian waffle for breakfast one morning, and I went out to dinner and had lasagna another night. I just made better, healthier choices throughout the rest of the day. Hmmmmm, this seems like it should be common sense. How have I not grasped this concept before? Probably because I tend to be kind of an all or nothing kind of gal – if I “cheat” or eat something I shouldn’t, I usually just say fuck all and consume everything in sight, and then I promise myself I’ll start fresh the next day. I think that’s how I wound up being chunky in the first place… There’s the little light bulb going off! Well, no more. If I consume an entire pint of ice cream, that doesn’t mean I should raid the rest of the cupboard and gorge on anything I can get my greedy little hands on. So here’s to my newfound grasp of balance! May it stick with me for more than just a week.

As for the exercise portion of this program, I stuck to my goal of working out four times this week. And let me tell you, I’ve lost A LOT of stamina. I was winded about 45 seconds into my first workout and was just about ready to call it quits, but thankfully shame kept me going. A man on the stationary bike next to me, who looked older than God, was plugging along at a much higher resistance level and a much faster pace. Well, shit. I thought to myself, if he can do it, I can chug along for twenty more minutes. Grow some lady balls, Corak! And I did. And for good measure this week, I also threw in some Pilates, uphill walks on a treadmill, and a workout from Exercise on Demand TV. This week, my goal is still to do four workouts, but maybe add a couple of minutes onto each one, or step up the resistance level a notch or two, and maybe try something new this week.

So, despite my challenges and lost stamina, overall I’m feeling pretty good this week. I know what you might be thinking – congratulations, you accomplished one week of eating healthier and exercise; do you want a fucking medal? Well, maybe I do want one. For me, getting started is the hard part. Sticking with it isn’t going to be a piece of cake, either, but I’m glad I had a positive experience to jumpstart my quest. Let’s just hope I’ll have something positive to write next week too, and not a pity party featuring yours truly. Until next week!