Well there have been some developments in the life of Emily Corak this week…for starters, it looks like working at Goodwill was not meant to be. Some (possibly malicious) force out there in the universe decided that I shouldn’t give up on teaching high school just yet and offered me a full time contract. There were lots of pros and cons lists, contemplative walks, and emotional face stuffing this week– but I eventually decided that I would spend this year facing off against those feisty adolescents! The timing is a big fat pile of suck, because I really like my job at Goodwill, but sometimes you’ve gotta do whatcha gotta do. And this is what I’ve gotta do.
So needless to say, I was a bit preoccupied making decisions and going into hyperventilating panic mode so I didn’t meet all my exercise goals this week. I did some walking, biking, and swimming…but not to the extent I wanted. But I’ve begun to do some deep thinking, much like Confucius, and it hit me – this is the most active lifestyle I’ve had in a loooooooooong time, but I’m still carrying a spare tire around the middle and walking around with cottage cheese-like thighs. And you know why? Because I eat like I’m knocked up with triplets! Some days I’ll eat fairly healthy, and the next I’ll pack away baked goods like they are going out of style, and then I’m shocked when Monday morning rolls around and I haven’t lost any weight!
It’s like the other day. Warning: I am this disgusting, and you will probably lose a little respect for me after reading this. Sometime last week, I had a midnight snack of graham crackers that I was munching on while walking up the stairs. The next day as I’m walking around the house after work, I see a piece of graham cracker that I had carelessly dropped in my half asleep state. Logically, I know that the piece of graham cracker is disgusting and I shouldn’t eat it, but I DO! And yet I’m surprised when it’s stale and tastes like cat hair. What’s my problem!?!?!? Why am I not putting two and two together? And why am I eating graham crackers that have been sitting on the ground and have been licked by a cat??? In my defense, I didn’t know that the cat had been licking at it until I was later telling Barrett this story. I don’t think he loves me anymore. But it goes back to the eating/weight loss issue – why am I surprised that I’m not losing weight when I can eat SIX peanut butter cookies in one sitting! (Damn you Jamie Livingston and your delightful baked goods!)
So I have a goal – and it’s been inspired by a link I saw on a friend’s Facebook page. I’ll spare you the details, but the premise is that it is possible to commit to anything for 30 days. I’ve tried this challenge before – and my goal was not to talk shit about anyone I knew for an entire month. Like Thumper says, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. But I’m too much of a gossip whore and I was setting up myself for failure. To be fair, I did make it about three weeks and I did feel much more positive. But life isn’t quite as much fun when I’m not judging and making snarky comments…bwahahahahahaha. But this time around, I’m really and truly setting my mind to this goal. For 30 days, I’m going to be a mindful and aware of what I’m eating, and only eat in a way that I won’t wake up hating myself the next day. Does this mean I won’t have any treats? Hell to the no! But I don’t feel bad when I indulge in a cookie sometimes. I DO feel bad when I indulge in five of them. So for the next thirty days, I’m going to ask myself before I eat ANYTHING… will this make you feel good about yourself, or will be full of self loathing and shame tomorrow? Day 1…so far so good. I asked myself halfway through dinner – do you feel content right now or are you still hungry? And I was perfectly content, so I ate no more! BAM! Look at me now! Just 29 more days to go! (And hopefully it will become habitual by this point.) And I’m serious about this goal. I’m as serious as a heart attack that I won’t be having because I’m eating nutritiously and deliciously!!!
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