Monday, October 3, 2011

Following a brief hiatus

Oh, the shame! For the first time all year I didn’t get my blog out on time. Well, maybe you’ll forgive me if I tell you I was in the hospital. Visiting cancer patients. In the children’s ward. Ooooooorrrrrrrr….. I was super tired and lazy and wanted to go to bed at 8:30. Take your pick, I’ll let you choose. I know, I know, super lame – I could also tell you that I couldn’t face the shame of telling you that a few of those pounds had found their way back to my middle. And butt. And face – I started looking like one of those chipmunks or people who are leaving the dentist after a mouth full of Novocain.

I have no good excuses. It’s not like the pounds were sneaky little bastards either; I knew they were coming. When you stop paying attention to what you’re eating and exercise is only happening once a week – it’s not exactly a shocker when you’re up three pounds. And even though three pounds might not be the end of the world, it feels like 300. When I leave my house, I can almost feel people noticing. I can see them thinking, “she gained three pounds…she gained three pounds…” And when my weight is up, that’s when it seems that all the skinny bitches come out of the woodwork.

Now let’s clarify something. When I refer to skinny bitches, this does not encompass all girls who are skinny. Nope, this is specifically for those chicks who give you the once over and their eyes might as well be saying, “Get some self control and step away from the cookies.” Yeah skinny bitches, you know who you are, and I recommend you eat a sandwich and then blow it out your ass. Or don’t, because that actually sounds like a diarrhea reference. Whoops! Like there was this one working at Papa Murphy’s the other day when I went in to pick up a pizza. And you know how they always ask the same question, “Have you ever baked our pizzas before?” Well I swear the chick had a smirk on her face as she asked and eyed me up and down. Yes. Clearly I have had your pizzas before, so BACK UP OFF IT! Or it could totally be my imagination. Maybe the skinny bitches have always been there and when I’m feelin’ goooooooood I just don’t notice…or care….maybe it’s my problem…

But skinny bitches judging or not, I’ve got to get back to business. I’ve added another boot camp to the weekly regime which has been awesome! Although last week’s impromptu boot camp in the park ended with a shouting match against some obnoxious thirteen year olds…not my finest hour. But at least my vocal chords got a work out as well. So I’ve been trying to get some balance back in my life and stay up until at least 9:00 every night. Next week I’ll have a less whiny and more positive spin, and I promise not to bitch about the bitches; I also promise to stop using the word bitch so much.

OK, that’s all folks! Happy Fall!

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