Now That's What I'm Talkin' About!

3.1 pounds this week…you know what that means!!!! I’m going to be rockin’ my new Jessica Simpson ghetto fabulous necklace as soon as I can get my booty to the mall! I live just up the street from the mall, but if I drag my sorry behind to Portland I don’t have to pay sales tax! But then I probably just spent all the money I saved on gas money, so that’s a conundrum for another day. It was a good week this week! I’m actually starting to look forward to exercising, go figure. What used to be the bane of my existence is now moderately addicting…I did not see that coming.

This week, I revisited good old Cardioke (I haven’t gotten any better at that whatsoever) and I also tried Zumba for the first time! It rocked my world and shook my ass from side to side. Zumba is complicated though…so many steps, so mine was more like interpretive/freestyle Zumba. Either way, I sweat up a storm. Luckily for me, most of the people in the class were having just as much trouble as I was following the moves, except for this one slut in a pink pantsuit. She had it down perfectly, and not in the humble-I-just-really-love-to-zumba way. She was rockin’ in perfect rhythm with this superior-I-can-Zumba-better-than-you-without-even-trying look on her face. If our instructor isn’t kicking that high, why are you!?!? When I relayed this information to Barrett, he did not empathize and lectured me about how I shouldn’t rank on other people for trying to get the most out of their workouts. He might have a point. But if people look good while working out, I maintain I have the right to call them dumb sluts.

Moving right along, it’s a good thing I did lose some weight this week because I had started to go into panic mode after stagnant scale last week. I was furiously searching Google for reasons as to why I hadn’t lost and what kinds of diseases prevented people from losing weight. I had convinced myself that I had thyroid disease and a special fat retaining disorder. I had concluded that if I didn’t lose any weight this week, I was going to have to come up with more drastic measures to lose weight. These are the top five I came up with:
1. Fill up my gas tank and then have to starve because I have no leftover money for
food
2.Cut off my own leg
3.Parasitic intestinal worms
4.Picture my grandparents doing the dirty every time I eat and therefore lose all
will to eat and live
5.Poor man’s liposuction: make an incision in my belly button, insert a vacuum hose
and just go to town

So luckily for me, the week went well and all my limbs are intact. But there’s a lot of pressure to lose weight this month. The month of March is my last “month of freedom” if you will. One of the perks of being a substitute teacher, aside from the AMAZING salary, is that you don’t have to work if you don’t want to. Or you can choose to work half days. And there are no papers to grade. And if kids are assholes, you don’t ever have to see them again. Life is pretty stress free. Oh, and I just want to make sure you knew I was kidding about the salary thing; the poverty line would be a step up for me. But next month, I’m trading in my substitute shoes for my long term substitute shoes.

I’m taking over English classes at the high school for a couple of months while a teacher goes on paternity leave. So this is my last month with some free time on my hands to keep regular workouts without worrying about lessons to plan and tests to grade. But more importantly, high school kids are brutal, and I don’t need my double chin to give them anymore ammunition. In the words of Will.I.am, “I’ve got to move it, move it.” On the agenda for this week: circuit class, spinning class, Zumba, and more awesomeness from Exercise on Demand! The sooner I get to my 15 pound mark, the sooner I can buy a couple new outfits! And thank God, because these $5 Old Navy t-shirts have seen better days. That’s all for now; be sure to tune in next week!