Hawaii Among Other Things

It’s a hard knock life. Beach bumming, margaritas, swimming in the Pacific, sunsets…it doesn’t get much rougher than this. I can’t really comment much on weight loss or gain because there is no scale here (well I’m sure there is one somewhere in the state, but not at my immediate disposal). All I know is I’ve been enjoying the Hawaiian delicacies of Kalua pig, shave ice, and coconut M&M’s…and yes, some of this stuff you can get in Washington, but it’s just not the same as having it on vacation! And there are some things worth being chunky for…if you’ve ever had Hawaiian shave ice over coconut ice cream, you know what I’m talking about. That stuff is better than sex. Or so I’ve heard. I personally wouldn’t know about these things.

But before you jump on my ass about being over indulgent, just know that I’ve balanced it with lots of fruit, meals at home, and some booty shaping walks on the beach! If you want an instant ass lift, walk on the sand! That is quite a workout in itself! I’ve also taken to taking a hilly walk every evening among other things. I hiked to the top of Diamond Head the other day, and I think I sweat out about 12 pounds. Stunning views! I remembered 8 layers of sun block that day, but forgot the crucial element of deodorant. I smelled like death wrapped in B.O. and I think people noticed. Meh! It’s not the first time I’ve been stanky, and it’s probably not the last. I also got to fulfill a lifelong dream while burning off some calories: I swam with dolphins, and not in a pool, but with actual wild dolphins in the ocean. It was quite possibly the coolest thing I have ever done, snorkeling 4 or 5 feet away from them, and I had to swim pretty damn hard to keep up. Check that off my list of things to do to make me even more awesome.

So, I’m not stressing out about what the scale will say when I get home because I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself and have managed to stay active while doing it. Who would have thought I would enjoy exercising on vacation? But a quick note before I go on the ultimate self esteem buster in Hawaii. You can’t go to the beach without seeing row after row of skinny, tan chicks with big knockers wearing skimpy bikinis and giving every guy on the beach his own personal surf board in his pants. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that wanted to sit on them and deflate their boobs while injecting them with an IV filled with Crisco. But I have just as much right to be on the beach, pasty round thighs and all.

I’ve known too many people, myself included, who have avoided activities for fear of what people will think. I’m not fit enough, I’m too short, I’m too pale, I’m too big, I’m not coordinated enough…whatever the excuse may be. But I’ve had enough of that crap. Who cares? Am I really going to miss out on stuff because I’m too worried about what other people think? Chances are, people are thinking about their own lives, and not the size of my ass. And if they are thinking about that, well, then fuck ‘em. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And with that, I’ll get off my preachy platform, but I’ll leave you with Roosevelt’s other quote that resonates with me: “Do one thing every day that scares you.” So tell your insecurities to piss off for a while and make it your day, your week, your month, your year. And maybe enjoy a shave ice while you do it.