Hot Diggity Damn!

Guess who finally lost the last couple pounds to reach her 20 pound goal and is going to spend the week looking for cheap places to get a rub down without a happy ending!??!?! Wait for it….wait for it…..IT’S ME!!!!!! Only took me two months to lose these last five pounds, but right now I don’t even care! I’m just so excited that they are gone and STAYING GONE! (No thanks to the Memorial BBQ I just came from…damn that lemon cake). But I have to be 100% with you – I made a decision last night that no matter what the scale said this morning, I was going to make my 20 pound victory announcement. It wouldn’t have mattered if I’d gained 53 pounds, I was sick of having nothing good to report and I was going to LIE. Scandalous, I know. Now you may be thinking to yourself, “Well how do we know she’s not lying right now???” Well, if I was lying, I most likely wouldn’t be telling you about my devious scheme, but I swear to you on my collection of scarves that I’m telling the truth. If you’ve met me or been in my closet, you know that I’m not fucking around when it comes to scarves. They are my babies. Anyways, so when I got on the scale this morning, it was a HUGE sigh of relief that I actually lost the weight, and that most importantly, I wouldn’t have to be a big skanky liar face. It’s a goooooood day.

So not only have I shed a couple of pounds, but I’ve also shed about 150 high school students. My long term gig ended on Friday, and it was a little bittersweet. (Much like the homemade cupcakes one student brought for my last day fiesta). As crazy as they sometimes drove me, I will miss them. Not all of them, but a lot of them. There are a handful of students that if I never see again it will be waaaaayyyyyyy too soon. But now I feel strangely empty, and I can’t help thinking, what’s next??? I have job applications coming out my ass, but sadly, there are no offers coming out with them. I’m looking around at grad schools, and I’m also practicing my street performing skills should that become a necessity. I do a stellar impersonation of a dolphin and my interpretive dancing ain’t bad either. Hopefully, I’ll have life all figured out by the next time I report back to you.

As for the weight loss goal, I’m hoping the jump down on the scale is a monumental symbol that the weight is ready to start pouring off of me and I’m over this miniature plateau. Because if the next five pounds takes me two months, I’m quitting and resigning to a sedentary life full of saturated fats and cholesterol! So when the next fiver comes off in the next few weeks (like my optimism?) I’m going to shower myself with awesomeness! I have not yet decided what will constitute my awesome reward, but it will rock my socks off! But this is also a big week because it’s the last week of my 6 week challenge – this week, I kept up with most facets of the plan. I didn’t touch ANY peanut butter, diet soda, or red meat. Desserts??? Well that’s another story for another day… So my goal for this final week is to stick to the plan hard core: no desserts, no diet soda, no red meat, no peanut butter, and last but not least, no Starbucks beverages. Considering Starbucks has become a weirdo addiction of mine, one week without it actually will be a challenge. I’m trying to wean myself off of it, because not only is it extra unnecessary calories, $3.72 a drink is sucking my wallet dry! I could have bought a pony or a small country with the money I’ve spent on soy chai lattes. So this will be a cranky, caffeine free week, but at least I’ll get to sleep in, so that’s something! Adios!